PETA Kooks

Kenneth Branagh defuses PETA protest
Oct 12, 2005, 5:02 GMT

Kenneth Branagh has defused a People For The Ethical Treatment Of Animals (PETA) protest after agreeing to retire all of the ducks who appear in his London play Ducktastic to a sanctuary when the show finishes its run on the West End.

Animal rights activists were outraged when they discovered 46 Indian runner ducks were taking to the stage every night - insisting robotic birds are the only ethical option.

But the Harry Potter star has succeeded in striking a deal with Peta, who regularly target celebrities who they believe violate animals' rights.

A Peta spokesperson says, "Ducks don't belong on stage any more than Mr Branagh belongs in a pond. What's wrong with mechanical ducks?"

Well, I can agree with the final question, anyway. What's wrong with mechanical ducks, indeed? In the future, when I look for common ground with the PETA-ites, at least we can agree that we ain't agin mechanical ducks.

Speaking about ducks and Kenneth Branagh: I worked in a movie theater when Branagh's Henry V came out, and we used to make fun of his "say-it-don't-spray-it" style by doing his speeches in Daffy Duck's voice. "Oneth more into the breeth, dear friendth! Oneth more! Or clothe up their wallth with our Englith dead!"